Yesterday, a friend of mine who is a wonderful but broke-ass college student, showed me a collection letter that she received and even though receiving a collection letter is a serious manner, we still had a rousing gut-belly laugh at it’s expense.
The collection letter went a little somethin’ like this:
COLLECTION LETTER
Date:
To: [name and address of debtor]
Re: Your account with [name of company]
Dear [name of debtor]:
Your delinquent account with [company name] has been referred to my office for collection action. You are currently behind payment on the above referenced account.
I have been instructed to bring legal action against you as may be necessary, which may result in levies against your property or other assets after judgment.
The file indicates that you have refused to pay the above claim even though it appears just, owing, and correct.
You are hereby further advised that if payment is not received within 15 days of the date of this letter, suit in small claims court may be commenced against you forthwith and without further notice for the amount indicated above, together with prejudgment interest. Instead of small claims court, this matter may be referred to our attorney for suit in municipal court.
As I am sure you are aware, if this matter goes to suit, all court costs, process server’s fees, sheriff’s fees, attorney fees where permitted, and other post judgment costs will be added to the amount that you already owe.
You can avoid the unnecessary inconvenience and added expenses of a lawsuit by making immediate payment to us within 15 days.
Sincerely,
___________________________ Collections Manager
Let me clue you guys and dolls in on the reasons why we were laughing:
1. My friend, “Sara” owes $17.00 to a hospital. Yes, that’s right folks, a whole seventeen dollars! Oooh, scary!
2. The absurdity of referring a $17.00 debt to a collection agency. (Get a life, hospital administrators!)
3. Paying the agency to collect this debt is gonna’ cost a hellva’ lot more than $17.00! (”This hospital has pure geniuses working for it and sure knows how to spend it’s money efficiently!” said very sarcastically by the writer of this story!)
4. Bringing legal action in a small claims court for $17.00 lousy dollars is absolutely ridiculous! But what’s even more ridiculous is threatening to bring a levy against property or assets for this paltry amount. (Get a damn life!)
5. Sara did not “refuse” to pay her debt as the collection letter claims it’s just that she’s a broke-ass college student who lives on ramen noodles and powdered iced tea to survive until she gets her degree and can’t afford to spare a penny right now. She fully intends to pay every penny back and “has” told them that.
So to all of you hospitals bringing in collection agencies to collect on paltry sums of money, let me tell you this:
“You Can’t Get Blood Out Of A Stone!”
You’ll just have to be patient and wait for the debt to be paid.
Which it will!
I never cease to be amazed at the inhumanity and stupidity of these creeps who have nothing better to do than to get paid money (and, even worse, to earn commission for ”results”) for making simple peoples’ lives difficult.
I mean, as if life wasn’t hard enough already without them sending their anonymous threats of eviction and court orders upon people who just can’t do it for the moment.
Excellent post.
”Thank ya’! Thank ya’ very much, Michael!
And Amen about your post!
I hope a couple of hospitals and collection agencies read your comment!
But, you know, it’s the same here in France (I’m english), and it’s the same everywhere else.
I like your articles Tina.
They speak simply.
Simply and true.
Michael
This is hilarious, maybe not for your friend, but in general.. Tell her not to worry, I don’t think the credit police will be beating down her dorm door anytime soon, I think they have a few bigger fish to fry right now... :)